When we listen, who is speaking?

this is the lesson: pay attention to the actions and sensations we invoke.

I hear you, Claudia. I am living, so listening. The silence is shaping this life as I wait for a throat to open. Whose throat though? 

After a rupture and a standstill, taking a great many steps in a million different directions, I am listening to whom? Myself? Waiting on the world to say something? 

I'm not sure, but I am all ears. 

I hear so many calls to action right now, but it's like I'm in a cave absent of light and I’m trying to hear my way out of it, trying to make sense of the voices. I hear words and whispers, there’s stammering, shouts, all indiscernible; and of course, silence, which of course, we must listen to. 

So in the silence, as I wait, whom am I waiting for? I am working hard to stay open, to receive energy and honor it, to create something so I can return that energy. These prompts are part of that cycle. Even now, with this prompt I am not heads down writing furiously struggling to keep up with the thoughts. I am heads up, searching for the words, listening. 

And maybe this is the lesson today: pay attention to the actions and sensations we invoke. 

I asked to listen today and here I am, listening. It sounds obvious, but I think it's harder than we realize. When we are busy, when we hurry, we are not engaged, we are not engaging.

We cannot listen to loved ones and hang on their silences as they locate the right word; we cannot feel the language of their touch, the difference in intensity, the untranslatable need they are trying to communicate; we cannot taste the dinner made for us or the wine we share; we do not see each other.

So what I'm hearing today is, despite the anxiety and frustration, I need to be patient so I can listen, so I can live.